i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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