I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
