her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
