Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
