I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
