i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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