I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
