so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
