What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
