The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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