Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
