i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
