I hate your face
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
