Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
