You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
