We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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