Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
