I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
