i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drake has all the answers
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize