I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
