I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
