Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
