I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
