he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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