New invention idea: vibrating tampons
are you so shy because you have an std?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
