sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
