I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
