Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
