the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize