Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
