u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize