just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
