I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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