I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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