woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
