So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
