well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
