she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
