Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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