just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize