Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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