Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize