I skipped work to stalk him.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
