he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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