Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
