the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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