What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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