YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize