p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Holy shit dude........stairs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
And then he peed in my hair
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