I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
