Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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