They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
