Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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