i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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