Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
