I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
