Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
