I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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