I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
