i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
