So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
