i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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