My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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