im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
