Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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