Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
