im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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