Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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