My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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