what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
