It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
