my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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