well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
