What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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