she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
