I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize