dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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