I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize