if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
