idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
