My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
