So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
