I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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