The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
