His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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