pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
